Should She Walk In My Shoes?

As a parent you know this is going to happen some day. It’s not something you prepare for because deep down you hope it never does. So when your child asks you what you did in certain situations, your brain jumps very quickly to – Do I lie? Do I tell her the truth? If I tell her what I did, will she make the same mistake I did? It’s the type of thing that can keep you up at night.
 
I thought I was home free on this particular conundrum. My daughter is now a strong, independent professional who was able to navigate her way through college and into the working world with apparent ease. She is a planner and always very clear on her goals and how she should achieve them. She is never at a loss for words. I believed I had dodged the bullet on all the important questions that would require me to choose between good advice and my own experience.
 
And then last month, the question came. Those dreaded words, “How did you handle this?” came over my phone during our nightly chat as she walked home from the subway. My brain seized for a minute and I executed, what I thought, was a graceful pivot to giving her advice on how she should handle this important choice rather than tell her how I made the wrong one.
 
Luckily, she didn’t catch my redirect and we talked through how she should address the situation and the call ended. I poured myself a glass of wine and mentally crossed my fingers that my advice would get her through following day. Feeling like a bit of a hypocrite – “Do what I say and not what I do” – I decided I would tell her the truth. I would tell her AFTER she navigated her own situation.
 
The truth was, I had never, ever negotiated for a higher salary. In over twenty-five years of employment, I would either take the salary I was offered if it had been in a range I could live with or decline the offer. My parents raised me to believe it was crass to talk about money and I just couldn’t do it.
 
The advice I gave her was based on what would resonate with me as a hiring manager. I told her to go look at the company’s job postings that were more senior to the position she was being offered and see if she had any experience or competencies described in the more senior position. If so, she should reference those points and share specific detailed examples to prove her more senior experience to negotiate for a higher salary.
 
She did it. It worked. I was proud (and relieved).
 
Did I tell her the truth? Did I tell her that I never once negotiated for a higher salary?
 
No. But I sent her this to proofread. Does that count?

 
Editor’s (Daughter’s) Note: Given the recent pay gap discussions, I wanted to go against the statistic that women are less likely than men to negotiate their salaries. I had done my research and felt my value was worth more than I had been offered. I’m glad my mom encouraged me to negotiate the salary offer and may not have done it nor been as confident going into it had she told me the truth. So Mom, well played.

Do I really want her to walk in “my shoes”?